So, back before college, I thought I was fat. I was extremely active on my school’s soccer team, but I still was around 180lbs. I wasn’t always a big girl. I was never a waif, but I was always pretty thin. I hit puberty and subsisted on ramen in middle school, and gained quite a bit as a result. But going to college was the worst. I gained the freshman fifty, just about, breaching the 200lb mark at the end of my sophomore year.
After some thyroid issues, learning some bad eating habits and a nocturnal sleeping schedule, I am the heaviest I have ever been during my adult life. I’m at the end of my rope. I hate cooking for myself even thought I know I need to just suck it up and do it. I gave up fast food for a long time, but caved in again recently. The big blows came, too – having to adopt my “fat pants” size as my regular pants size where my “skinny pants” size sits at the back of my closet, constantly wearing out the crotch on jeans, the double chin. It needs to stop, so this is me officially declaring an end to this madness.
The best I did was last year – I trained for, and successfully completed, a 5k, after which I gave up on running pretty much completely. At this point, I’m so exhausted all the time that I’m fairly certain I couldn’t run unless I lose a few pounds first.
I got my thyroid checked out again recently as well – everything seems to be normal on that front, at least for now. I’m following up with an endocrinologist here pretty soon though.
My wedding is coming up in a year and a half, so I’d like to get down to 180ish before I start dress shopping in a few months. For now, I’ve recently gone on a ketogenic diet – a low carb, high fat diet. The Atkins diet is a form of ketogenic diet. Essentially, a ketogenic diet forces you into ketosis, a state where your body burns fat for fuel instead of carbohydrates. The body isn’t stupid – it burns what it has in the most abundance, and in the case of me, fat is obviously the most viable source of fuel. There are a lot of great success stories from people on ketogenic diets. In fact, my parents were on Atkins for a short period when it gained popularity. I recall thinking they were absolutely crazy – carbs are in everything, and I assumed that they were essential to function. And for the right body type, they probably are. I had to look at the facts; I was overweight by a large amount, and was starting to show signs of insulin resistance, which means precisely that I was getting way more carbohydrates than I needed and my pancreas and everything was lashing out and overproducing insulin. Bad times, right? Right.
I’ve tried the traditional “count your calories and exercise” method, but I know when I was doing that, it didn’t work because I was constantly thinking about food. Not so much anymore.
To be continued.
this equals everything 